Have you ever seen that mom and thought..."She has it all together"? But what you don't see is that the smile is just hiding what's really going on inside. Not always...but a lot! Struggling to keep up. Struggling to just make it to bedtime only to wake up and start all over again. Never feeling like you are accomplishing anything.Struggling to find joy in the mundane things in life.
What mom of many doesn't struggle with many of these things? This past year I have felt more stretched as a person than I ever thought possible. My husband the same. I thought it would get easier as our children grew!The economy hasn't helped. House full of girls...we are blessed...pulling every possible hair from my head. I do enjoy my time with them! Husband who broke a foot and needed surgery with another surgery scheduled for this fall. Sons whom are still unable to find sufficient employment and still living under our roof. I am very thankful that we are able to help them and I do cherish the time that they are here. 10 people under 1 roof sharing 1 set of washer and dryer and 1 small kitchen....yes we are bursting at the seams! All these are just part of living in this day and time....mine just X 10! Feeling like a tug of war rope on many days! Expectations getting the best of me. Mine and expectations from others. Giving my all to them...but neglecting the giver(me) and Giver(God) in the process. Time with Him has paid a price for my very full plate. Lack of place to find quiet. All by my own choosing. I have had time with Him...just not to the quality that keeps me grounded. Balancing life can be a job in itself.
It must be part of the mom nature. Whatever the reason it's time for me to raise the white flag and surrender! It's only by the grace of God that I have made it this long without a major breakdown. Not bad..huh! Well...it was bad! Loss of appetite,weight loss...although this was a good thing, major fatigue, anxiety. Several months ago I knew I needed to make changes. I could see the road I was headed down if I didn't. I had let stress get the best of me and the wife and mom that I should have been. I know a lot of it I bring on myself by choices that I make. Some are just part of life! I just wasn't dealing with life so much. After all I am no energizer bunny! Oh how I wish!
Hitting a brick wall is what sent me to find the answer for all this madness. What I thought was just a stomach virus or something worse has turned out to be a very low B12 deficiency. 1000 mg of B12 is the prescription...maybe a shot to boost it would help? Hopefully now I can start making changes that will free me to be a better wife, mom and friend!
In my search I came across this website with some great explanations on B12 deficiency. Although the world wide web has lots of information on anything you need concerning health issues. I realize working with my doctor to get my levels up is the safest road to take. Hopefully soon I will be the one pulling that rope instead of becoming the tug of war rope!
37 years of growing and learning to be a great big family!
