Sunday, August 16, 2015
Bilirubin levels too high to go home. I thought my heart would just break right out of my chest!
All my plans and visions of how our going home would play out...gone! First time mom and I'm sitting on my hospital bed in a puddle of tears. Being wheeled out of the hospital with empty arms and thoughts of leaving him there at the hospital, was the hardest part of this new road of adventure. I should have known this was an indication of how his life would play out.
When you pray for something you better be prepared for however God chooses to answer you. I thought I was prepared! I will say sometimes God's answers to prayer aren't exactly what I envisioned. Honestly, His answers can make me angry. Truthfully, they sometimes suck!
Baby boy was finally released from the hospital and came home to a well rested new mama.Honestly that extra four days were a blessing! He grew up to be an amazing young man who has done many remarkable things. We have sent him off on many adventures (4 to be exact) to cultures beyond our borders.
Saturday as we said "See you later" my heart broke once again. I thought I had prepared myself...I thought wrong. All day fighting back the tears. That was a very short ride to the airport! An even shorter check-in-time. As we turned to say "See you later" I couldn't even look at him. Fear I guess. A little anger at how God answered our prayer for a job. That was the best "See you later"hug I have ever had! Knowing it might be over a year before I get another one made this moment really difficult. I was a blubbering mess walking out of that airport (hospital). Those old feelings of walking out without my baby were just the same as 29 years prior. Except he's now a 29 year old 6'3 big guy. Then God had to go and remind me that he would be fine and His ways and plans far exceed Justin's mother's plans. Four days...Two years, it's all the same when your life is in the control of a mighty God who does great things at our request.
Once again we have left him to adventure into a land unknown, to become all that God has called him to be. To soak in all the rays of life, to heal and to grow. To pour into others as a servant,mentor or whatever title he may carry.
Although I will miss him terribly, I will rest in knowing he is exactly where he should be. Yes...God's plans far exceed my plans. Good thing, because Justin will get to hang out with a bunch of amazing third grade kids in an unknown culture who will rock his world!
I'm sure he is going to rock theirs!