Thursday, October 11, 2012

The sweetest words...With All My Heart!

Life happens...this was suppose to publish on Wednesday Night. I'll blame this on the dogs!

It can be said that our week has not been boring. Sunday was a "See you later" party for our son. Monday was getting him packed for his trek across the ocean to a land that will be called his home for the next 1-2 years. Tuesday morning bright and early...3am...our final hug with ugly tears  seeing him off for his 6am flight. Then there was today...the big and what we thought was the final ankle surgery.

With much anticipation we left early this morning for that long awaited 2nd surgery. It was met with skyping with our son as we waited in the pre-op room. I can't begin to explain how much good seeing that boy did for my heart. I hope he knows just how much I love him!

With a kiss and see you later for that man of mine. His chariot wheeled him down to dance with the sandman. And I ....down stairs for the long wait. This time I had the most blessed time in the waiting room with the greatest woman I mom! I love her too!

The wait was a little longer than anticipated and met with a little disappointment. Because of some excessive bleeding, a third procedure could not be done. Not what I wanted to hear. Not the news I wanted to share with the man laying upstairs in the recovery room. So up I have a talk with the man upstairs.

My eyes were met with a sleepy prince with his glass slipper bandaged leg and wearing that oh so cute hospital gown. I know he's tired of this. I know he'd rather be sitting on the porch at the lake. I love him more than I can say. As I stood there asking him questions to help him wake from the drug fog. Not getting a whole lot of response. I asked him the one question that I love to hear him respond too....Do you still love me? Not expecting a very long answer I heard him say...."I love you with all my heart!"  Drugs or not, that man has a heart that has captured my very own being. Through all the pain, his love for me remains the same. Through all the pain, I realized how very blessed I am to be loved so deeply by a man who remains the same, drug fog or not.

As we make our way towards what looks like a 3rd surgery, we take each day as it comes. Each moment as it arrives. Each with it's own worries. All to be laid at Jesus' feet. It's through his pain that I truly understand those heartfelt words...I love you with ALL my heart!

Monday, October 8, 2012

This could get really ugly.....See you laters are way too hard!

I have done really good all day. Trying to hold it together and remember that this is ALL God! But then the selfishness creeps in and the well has been broken.

The reality of watching his bags loaded into the car. The reality of watching "Boots"...that's his nickname for she says she's packing and going with him.The reality of watching my family lay hands on our son and pray for him. To let the prayer sink deep. The reality when "Boots" wants to give him something after he's gone to bed and I say later. Then to hear her say...Ok, I'll just have to give it to him when I'm 8! Yes the big ugly tears....the I can't catch my breath ones. The memory of me saying...If he could only stay little forever!...floods my mind. He's 6'3 now!

Yes...the big old ugly cry that I have held and said I'd wait to have until after he left ....well it didn't wait. Suddenly his whole life has swept before my eyes and the questions fill my heart. You know the ones?...the would of, should of, could of.  All those annoyances...the empty milk jug that I just bought, the rumbling of the floor from the surround sound, the leftover chicken that I thought I had put away for the next night's dinner....suddenly they are not so much of a big deal!

You spend your whole life making sacrifices just to encourage them in their dreams, to see them smile. I'm going to miss that sweet smile! Thanks to Skype I will! The person who invented Skype must have been a mama! She knew this mom would someday just need a moment to see those beautiful eyes that she saw for the first time 27 years ago.

You pray and pray for God to do something big in a loved ones life and when He scream...But God!  That was a brief question in my heart today. But then I realized...Justin isn't mine. He belongs to his creator. He made a choice to follow the one who has called him. When I asked God to expand his horizons...I never thought it would be clear across the ocean and then some.

In a few days our son will walk on the soil of a land that he's only read about. The land that he's always desired to see. When the message comes...I'm here! The ugly tears will turn to joy! It's then I will know, he's right where he should be.