I have done really good all day. Trying to hold it together and remember that this is ALL God! But then the selfishness creeps in and the well has been broken.
The reality of watching his bags loaded into the car. The reality of watching "Boots"...that's his nickname for her....as she says she's packing and going with him.The reality of watching my family lay hands on our son and pray for him. To let the prayer sink deep. The reality when "Boots" wants to give him something after he's gone to bed and I say later. Then to hear her say...Ok, I'll just have to give it to him when I'm 8! Yes the big ugly tears....the I can't catch my breath ones. The memory of me saying...If he could only stay little forever!...floods my mind. He's 6'3 now!
Yes...the big old ugly cry that I have held and said I'd wait to have until after he left ....well it didn't wait. Suddenly his whole life has swept before my eyes and the questions fill my heart. You know the ones?...the would of, should of, could of. All those annoyances...the empty milk jug that I just bought, the rumbling of the floor from the surround sound, the leftover chicken that I thought I had put away for the next night's dinner....suddenly they are not so much of a big deal!
You spend your whole life making sacrifices just to encourage them in their dreams, to see them smile. I'm going to miss that sweet smile! Thanks to Skype I will! The person who invented Skype must have been a mama! She knew this mom would someday just need a moment to see those beautiful eyes that she saw for the first time 27 years ago.
You pray and pray for God to do something big in a loved ones life and when He does...you scream...But God! That was a brief question in my heart today. But then I realized...Justin isn't mine. He belongs to his creator. He made a choice to follow the one who has called him. When I asked God to expand his horizons...I never thought it would be clear across the ocean and then some.
In a few days our son will walk on the soil of a land that he's only read about. The land that he's always desired to see. When the message comes...I'm here! The ugly tears will turn to joy! It's then I will know, he's right where he should be.