Dancing with our Insurance company to the song "I dream of a beautiful kitchen"

(To the tune of White Christmas)
I'm dreaming of beautiful kitchen! Just like the one I used to know!
Where the memories of loved ones laughing
and the lips of my children smacking!
Just to taste the recipes that they know!

Six weeks of a journey unlike the one I had in my head.
Six weeks of trying my patience....or what's left of it.
Six weeks of teaching me to stand my ground.
Six weeks of stretching me beyond what I would say necessary. Stretch Armstrong is eating my dust!

Let me back up a few months....

Back in March I began to notice our dishwasher leaking. Thinking it was coming from the door when we would open it...I run on average two loads a day. Also, we were pushing about 5-6 years on this help mate of mine. Not bad for a family of 11!  Anyways...I would just wipe it up and use this as an opportunity to mop the surrounding floor. Not realizing what was happening in the back part of the cabinet.

We decided to retire our faithful companion and up grade to a nice shiny model! The day of the switch out we made a discovery...A soaking wet cabinet! Let's just say particle board box cabinets don't repel water to well!  That man of mine made an immediate repair to the line and we kept the dishwasher pulled out so as to allow the cabinet to dry. In the mean time I made the call to our insurance agent. Our faithful insurance company SF,we have had for 30 years. In thirty years this would only be our second claim ever! Six cars, Two houses and a boat....Can you say "Faithful Customer?"

The adjuster they sent out showed up several hours before our scheduled time with no warning. He then proceeds to take measurements and barely pulls out the new dishwasher...which is just slid under the counter...so that he can see the damage.  His recommendation....repair the cabinet. The side, the back and the bottom. Really? Repair three sides of a four sided cabinet? A manufactured box cabinet that is basically glued and stapled together? I'm advised that if we get everything pulled out and see there is more damage just let them know. I would just need a recommendation from a contractor. We received the first claim a week later but noticed a mistake which was several thousand to our good. Doing the right thing I made the call to the adjuster! Man I would have loved that new refrigerator he added into the claim! However...he was very thankful at our honesty! So we waited another week for the correction to be made.

So as to not disrupt our kids while they are finishing up the end of the year and testing, I decided to wait until school was out to begin this adventure. Being knee deep in wedding planning, daughter graduating from high school and kids prepping to take CRCT test, This was a wise move. Oh and getting ready for another one to leave the country for a few months. No....My plate is not full!


A wise move because we are now into the sixth week of this demolition of my kitchen that began the first part of June.

This would be the cabinet he wanted us to repair.



I must admit I'm beginning to get use to this rustic floor. I have totally eliminated the chore of mopping. The dining room carpet refuses to stay clean because of the plywood floor debris that get tracked in from the kitchen. So vacuuming may be a thing of the past too!
                           
                                             

In order to see the complete damage and prove to the insurance company that the cabinet could NOT be repaired, plumbing had to be disconnected and counter tops removed. So this is what I was suppose to be left with before our friendly insurance company would approve further repairs. Can someone tell me how a family of 9 is suppose to function in a kitchen without a sink? This my friends is why I am thankful I had the good sense to wait until school was out! This was the first part of June.

That sweet man of mine had mercy on me and did a temporary reconnect. The damaged cabinet totally removed and the counter is just resting on the two base cabinets and dishwasher. All this until I can get an accurate cost of cabinet replacement. That was over six weeks ago.

Before I can get estimates for replacement, the claims office needed photos of the damaged cabinet and a letter stating that it could not be repaired. In an effort to get the cabinets replaced I went to an authorized dealer of our cabinets. The owner of this company came out and measured. He was kind enough to write me a general letter to submit. However he included in his letter a few figures to replace cabinets. Along with the photos, I submitted his letter. One week later I had a check for a little over $4200. This was even $350 less than this man's figures. Now, that letter was not an actual itemized estimate. No explanation as to what all he had included into his figures. Realizing that this figure seemed below what it should, I went and received a few other estimates. I received not one but several estimates that were several thousand dollars more! I thought this repair was going to be easy! I have challenged the first cabinet makers letter. I have called this man several times to get a clear answer as to what all he included in his figures. I have yet to get a clear answer from this elderly man. Each time I have to remind him of who I am and he never really gives me an answer to my questions. He has yet to return the insurance company's calls. However, until they can get him to explain, they will not accept another estimate. If I do submit them, they will use his letter to challenge the other estimates.

Today I had a contractor come out for accurate measurements of the kitchen and am proceeding to move full force to get my kitchen back into a safe and working order. My family should not have to continue this dance with our faithful insurance company!

Oh and during all this...we receive a letter dated March 23 ( my second corrected claim is dated March 17th) stating we need to make the necessary repairs and send documentation to our agent by July 13th. This is from the first claim that they only approved the replacement of flooring and repair of the cabinet. All that was on hold until we could get approval for cabinet replacement. Demolition and communication with the claims office began the first part of June. By June 6 we received another letter...they decided to cancel our insurance because they haven't received documentation by the requested time of July13th. I say all this to say, on the claim letter that came with our claim package it says we have up to two years to make the necessary repairs. Of course we aren't going to wait two years! The left hand apparently doesn't know what the right hand is doing! I would have had this all done by now, had the adjuster put the claim in correctly to start with. Instead I have had to jump through hoops and been required to submit request or receipts for any additional work that was needed apart from the original claim. I have yet to even cash the first check they sent us. Our agent did get us an extension. So, it's all up to them whether or not they want to keep us!

Every morning that I walk into our kitchen I feel the stress and frustration, maybe a LOT little anger, well up in me! Until I look up and see right there on the side of the kitchen cabinets, a sweet reminder!

In all things to be thankful!

Hopefully this won't turn into a Christmas adventure!

Where is Jake when you need him?!

Dear Generation XYZ....

Sometimes a mama just needs to vent.....


You are spoiled brats!!! We as your parents have done you all a disservice. We have allowed you all to live in a fantasy world, afraid to see you fall or make a mistake. Wiping your little bottoms for you when the choices you have made leave behind your unmet dreams. Your dreams of entitlement need to end! You poor thing!


We have shoved you in a corner for a little timeout when really what you needed is a good swat on the behind! We have stood in the way and fought your battles for you, not allowing you to fight them for yourself! We have not only sanitized your hands from germs, we have sanitized your life so much that you have no idea how it feels to experience the joy of  really living. Feeling what it's like to  accomplish goals on your own.


Honoring your father and mother do you even know what that means? God never said stop when you reach a certain age!


Today I came home to two sinks of dirty dishes. This is not the first time either! Mind you .....I have been away for a few days. So, How long have they been sitting? The youngest three were with me. Leaving four adult children living under my roof. I provide food along with my chef services, shelter and even car insurance! I ask nothing from any of them in return! Maybe it's time to start?!


A couple of years ago when my husband injured his ankle I was left to juggle most ...ALL....of the household affairs. I remember standing in my yard with a gas weed eater hanging around my neck, red faced and killing myself.  One of my dear children walks up to me. Never once saying mom let me do that. This young adult was too busy. Headed to a family event of a friend. All I did was stand there and say I need help around here. The response I got was "I help"...as he/she walked away. A few months later I see a sweet note of thank you to this child of mine for helping someone by doing their yard work for them. REALLY! Mind you ...I'm killing myself while allowing them to live here rent free and paying their car insurance too. Don't I feel special! Don't I feel honored! Don't I feel loved! Not really....


I love my kids but sometimes I really don't like being their mom! I have poured every ounce of my being into this calling and sacrifice. Boy have I sacrificed! My sanity that is!  All for what? To lead by example? To show them the unconditional love that is instilled in my heart?


They just don't get it! What does a mom have to do to get a message to them? Hang a big sign around my neck saying...I will no longer be taken advantage of. I quit! Well I really can't stop being their mama! I don't want to either. All I want is for them to take up their own responsibilities. Contribute somehow to the household. Clean your room!!!!!! Do the damn dishes! ( I rarely cuss so maybe this will get their attention!) After all they are adults! Right?


If anyone needs me I'll be in my front yard holding a picket sign! So much for the time away to decompress from the stress! I think I just picked it back up!

The electronic divide...a challenge for the summer!

With a few strokes of the keys, one can breathe life...or death... into the lives of those that surf the never ending wall of photos, quotes and just plain 'look at what I'm doing today' post. My how life has become so complicated, so self absorbed since the introduction of the world wide web. Social media. Information overload. At a moment's notice you can diagnose an illness or discover a long lost friend...or enemy. Instantly finding out who's hating who or who is loving who. Causing a great divide among friends and families. Secrets exposed. Thoughtless words written on a wall for all to see. Boldness behind words that would otherwise be thought about before they were ever spoken. If spoken at all. With a click of a "Like" button, a view of a heart exposed. Often finding myself gasping rather than cheering with excitement.


Before social media, friendships had real meaning. Real friendships include spending real time together, doing real events, making real connections. Investing ones self with time and attention. Now you can have hundreds of friends and never spend one second with any of them. What kind of friendship is that? Have we replaced meaningful friendships with superficial ones? I think I would rather have a few friends I can invest my time in rather than hundreds who all I do is sit and glimpse into their daily grind of life. Never really investing myself into that friendship. In fact, I'm hearing many young people questioning who their "REAL" friends are. Hearing them say... " I have no friends." Has social media distorted their definition of true friendship? Time wasted punching keys instead of investing ourselves into the lives of those we call friend...family. Time with handheld devices in front of our faces instead of eye to eye contact while having a meaningful conversation. Will our children even know what a real conversation looks like? Feels like?


Social media has replaced friendships and email has replaced handwritten letters. What was suppose to make life easier has really complicated and cluttered our lives. Our children will never know the beauty of a handwritten letter from a long lost friend. Do you even remember what it felt like to receive a handwritten letter? The uncomplicated  moment of a true friendship.  The embrace of an old friend whom they haven't seen in years while spending time catching up on life with them without the electronic screen in front of them. Hearing a friend's voice instead of reading their words.


My how life has changed! Oh for the days of electronic silence just to hear the laughter of our children as they run and play. Summertime friendships with mason jars and chasing fire flies. .lightening bugs. Running in the sprinklers. Laying on quilts at night as they gaze up at the stars. Riding bikes until dark...or the street lights come on.


What will their childhood memories be like? Will they care that every little bleep of their lives are recorded for all to see? What stories will they tell their children? Have we given our children a life worth relishing in when they grow old? How will the investments we make today pay out in our children's tomorrow?


Memories we make today will be the stories our children speak of tomorrow.....




 I want to challenge you all! This summer take a 1 week break from ALL electronic devices. No Internet, NO TV. Just 1 week! This will take much planning but so worth it. Oh the silence! The first few days will be hard but the reward will be amazing! Take the time to give your full attention to a friend or family member. Go chase fire flies! Lay on a quilt at night and gaze up at the stars....I did this with my grandmother. It's one of my most favorite memories! Read a real book. Call an old friend and make a lunch date. Have a family sit down at the same table meal, at the same time. Listen to your kids voices. Their laughter. Play a real board game. Look your spouse in the eye and see what color their eyes are. Remind them of why they married you in the first place....way before the Internet! These are just some suggestions.  Please share if you have others! I'm going to try and document my week and hope to share it with you here. Now... to challenge my family! SO...the challenge is starting with me. Hopefully they will follow.  Have fun and let me know how you do! Oh, If you flop one day....don't get discouraged! Get back up and start again! The reward is in the trying!

Sticks and Stones...Words that Hurt

  Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me!

 I remember chanting these words as a child. Often as a response when a friend or sibling was hurt by someone's unthoughtfulness. But they do hurt! Those words. Often they catch you off guard during a moment when you least expect it.

Let's face it girls...Most of us will never have our prebaby bodies back! Never! The stretchmarks and the leftover baby bulge will forever be a part of the woman that you have become! The medal you wear...you have earned! So...wear it proud!

This 48 year old body has carried nine beautiful babies! I can honestly say I have cherished each 9 month journey that I took! In my head I am still that petite 100lb woman who chose to take this journey. My 5'3 frame of a body just hasn't got the message!

I have carefully tried not to ever compare myself to any photoshopped image on a page or screen. Mostly for my daughters...and for my own well being. However, Once you cross that compare line it's very difficult to reverse the damage that has been done. Walking this road will leave you frustrated and feeling defeated.

I do however think I have failed in the area of taking care of me. Thirty years of working on the inside but neglecting the outerpart. Exercise is very important...especially when you are a mom. Me...My time and energy is very limited. My energy reserves are very depleted. But that is all about to change!

Ladies....there is one rule you never break! NEVER NEVER NEVER ask a woman when they are due! Especially if you don't even know they are expecting! If you don't even know them personally!  I have had this happen a few times ...some from perfect strangers. I have a very meek and mild personality. I usually  laugh it off while dying on the inside. However, as this southern girl has aged that has all changed. Life has shown me that I don't have to always be quiet or polite when others fail at respect or common courtesy.

Today it happened again!  My first response was...Excuse me? She said it again....the girl at the check out counter in the Christian bookstore. "When are you due?" As I stood there feeling embarrassed and  very angry that someone that I didn't even know had just invaded my world. These words flew.

"I am not expecting"
"That was very rude"
"No 48 year old woman should be having a baby"
"I never thought I would leave crying from a Christian Book store"

all she could say was sorry...Is sorry enough?

Enough for the humiliation and embarrassment that I felt?
Enough for the tears that fell upon my face?
Enough for the way I allowed these words to tear at the woman that I am?
Enough for the way I allowed my insecurity to overwhelm and devour the woman that God says I am?

Me...I'm OK. I guess I should send her a thank you note for the motivation she gave me today. I can allow this to overwhelm me or I can take a good long look in the mirror and make some changes.

I think I'll take the changes....Changes for the good!

If you need me....I'll be that 48 year old pregnant looking lady walking the track!

My Father...He did it again

Be careful what you pray.
Out of my desire to know His heart and know Him completely I asked....

When you ask God to take you deeper... He will.
He will reach into those deepest places of your heart and pull out all the dark rotted matter that rest upon your soul.
He will take you on a journey like no-other.
He will take you to a place that leads straight to His heart...the pure one.
He will mold and fill those empty spaces that keep you from fully knowing Him...knowing Him completely.
He...your Father will show you an unconditional love that no man(human) can ever show.

Yes my God...my very own heart surgeon has done it again. He dug deep and pulled me close to His heart. He reached in and took another piece that I have been hanging on too. Tearing away that dark rotted matter. The things that keep Him from fully having my heart. The things that steal the joy. The peace. The freedom.

Freedom in knowing Him completely.

There is nothing more beautiful than the moment when my Father pulls me close to His heart and says rest. Stay a while. I've got this. Trust me. Lay it at my feet.

and leave it here.

The real beauty of laying it down and finally finding the rest in knowing Him.

 .....and all I did was ask Him to take me deeper!

The dance.....with my Father!

There is something so sweet and beautiful about watching a young bride as she dances with her father on her special day. Soon our very own daughter will be lovingly embraced by the love of my life. I look forward to watching this sweet moment. I must admit this is the part that gets me everytime. A little jealous I guess. But nonetheless a very sweet moment that I get lost in. Usually fighting back the tears.

My own dad passed away when I was thirteen. At the time of my wedding we didn't even have music or dancing at our reception. This was probably a wise move that saved me a lot of emotional heartache.  Although my sweet step-dad would have more than filled the void that rest in my soul, had I thought to include this into the ceremony.

Many of you may think I'm crazy....maybe I am! I really am not much into visions...however I think God does work at times in this area. Sometimes He has to get our attention in ways we least expect it. Even times that we least expect. Caution in this area is always wise.

A few weeks ago I received a sweet gift that was so unexpected. It caught me off guard! That's just how  our heavenly Father works. The funny thing is, I can't even remember the worship song that was being played. While standing in church my heart was grasped by my Father. As He took my hand He began to swirl me around and smile with the biggest smile I have ever seen. I remember dancing and  laughing as  He...My Father....gave me the sweetest most unexpected gift....My daddy daughter dance! With tears in my eyes I felt His great love fill a void that I had forgotten was there. A dance that I will never forget! Me a beautiful bride dancing with her father. Thirty years later but in the most perfect time.

I am so amazed at how my Father knows me so well. He knows those deepest places in my soul. The ones no one ever sees. In His time He fills. He heals. He loves. He smiles. He dances with his girl! He fills those broken places that only He can. How amazing is that?!  Me....I just had to be that willing vessel. The empty one with those broken places.

Dear young mother....there will be days!

Here I am 30 years into this marriage and mothering thing and I still don't have a clue! I sometimes wonder if I was even paying attention in class. Was I listening to all those wise words of wisdom from wives and mothers who have walked before me? Was I listening to the countless messages brought before me as I sat in the pew? Was I listening to His still small voice when He said..."I've got this!"? Did or do I trust Him? After all that I know....Would I do it all again? If I could go back and warn that young mother.....What would I say?

Dear young mother....
There will be days when your breath is all you have. Why? Because you have poured every once of your being into the world that surrounds you.
There will be days when serving such selfish people will seem like a waste. But hang on! It's not!
There will be days when you feel invisible...God sees you!
There will be days when you ask..."There has to be something more...right?".....There is!
There will be days when all you want is 5 minutes of quiet to sustain you....it will come.
There will be days when that man you married will become a man you may not like or know....Love him anyway! He does love you!
There will be days when your grown children will pull and tug on you as though they are 5. It's because of that unconditional love you have poured into them. You will always be their biggest fan!
There will be days when you beg God for a change....He will! In His time!
There will be days when you are just so overwhelmed that even your breath is fighting against you! Lean into Him!
 There will be days when after wishing they would just give you a few moments of quiet that they may not speak to you for days....This dear mother is heart breaking but you will get through it!
There will be days when waiting up just to hear them come in becomes your night-time routine...they may not come in and it will be hard! Know that God is working!

Dear young mother....I'm sure there will be many hard days and long ones too! Days wondering if all you have poured into them has even made an impact....It has! You may not see it now but God does have a plan!

Dear young mother if I could tell you anything of value to help you walk this road ahead, it would be one word...Jesus! It's at His name that everything changes. Everything becomes new. Everything becomes right! I may not have all the right answers at the moment but I know the man who does. He has been my life sustaining voice during this whole journey. My rock! He has carried me through the good times and the bad. He is the reason I am on this journey of motherhood. A ministry that I was chosen to do. Many days I feel so inadequate . Are you sure God I am the best person for this job? Every time the answer is YES!

Let's face it dear mother....Life is hard! It's not going to be all that you thought it would be. It's not always going to be what you would have liked.  That's the mystery of Life! The unknown! If someone had told me about all the hard days ahead ,Would I have still continued? I can honestly say YES!!!!! Yes, because all the good that God has done outweighs all those hard days. The hard days have molded me into the woman that God meant for me to be. I don't always like that woman! She could always do better. But God loves her! He trust her with the life she has been given. He thinks she is the best woman for the job!

So dear mother you have been warned! Are you listening? That fairy tale life you thought you should have, it doesn't even compare to the one God is writing! So go now and snuggle with those babies....they grow quickly! Go and love the man you have been given...he will grow old! All those chores and bills that consume your time....it will be there later! Go and do life and keep doing life!

Because if I could....I would do it all again!